Personal Growth

by DJ REAL

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  • Nick Stargu writes and performs all the songs as DJ REAL. Purchasing this album helps support the DJ REAL act!

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about

"...With twenty tracks total, “Personal Growth,” gets to the point/funny and carries through until the very end. With no songs over three minutes long, nothing is overdone. There are no overly repetitive choruses that beat the jokes into you. Just absurdly clever lyrics and fantastic musicianship, all of which are written, performed and recorded by Nick Stargu aka DJ Real..." - The Set List (Sacramento Comedy Magazine)

credits

released 18 September 2008

All instruments and vocals were recorded and performed - Nick Stargu

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Track Name: The Truth
I can’t believe
That you lie so much
What did you say yesterday?

You can’t believe
That I cry so much
What did you do to make me this way?

You know you hurt me to the bone!
Blood on the ground and my ice cream cone!
Blood on the street and no shoes on my feet.
Hearing you laugh cause you got me
Beat Beat Beat Beat
Beat Beat Beat Beat

Tell me from the start
If you’re gonna break my stupid heart.
Because the truth isn’t deadly.
Unless there’s a gang named The Truth and they kill me.

I can’t believe
That I died so much
What did you pay to make me this way?

And you can see
That I’m cold to touch.
What did you do to make me this way?

Love isn’t yummy, it tastes like dirt.
Stopped loving me when you fell in love with Kurt.
Dirt on my coffin. Dirt on my shirt.
Worms in my belly but it don’t really
Hurt Hurt Hurt Hurt
Hurt Hurt Hurt Hurt

Tell me from the start
If you’re gonna break my stupid heart.
Because the truth isn’t deadly.
Unless there’s a gang named The Truth and they kill me.
Stab me to death and take all my money
Take my nice Reeboks and gold wristwatch
Track Name: Torches and Axes
I’m not saying this because I don’t like you.
But I don’t want to see you here anymore
There’s a lynch mob coming to get you!
So get outta here right now!
Get out. Get out. Get out.
Before they get you.

There’s a little kid with a flamethrower
And his dad has a chainsaw.
And his mom has a coupon collection laced with poison.

There’s torches and axes,
And torches and axes.
Track Name: Dust and Bone
I feel a tingling in my spine
I look at you and you are mine.
We know that this world ain’t kind.
Taking trips outside our mind.
Feeling crushed by the weight of night.
Stop and go like a traffic light.

We want to take a world down that we don’t own.
Now we’re left with darkness, dust and bone.

Like astronauts, but afraid of heights.
Putting ointment on our spider bites.
Your face in a shadow, and mine full of fright.
Like when lightning strikes a flying kite.
Love is like a potato famine.
Too many bodies here to examine.
Track Name: Tiny Cheeseburger
I woke up this morning, and I looked at my fingertip.
There was a big hole on the side of it.
I took my flashlight, and shone it in.
What did I see inside of my skin?
It was a little dude, and he looked just like you.
He said, “Get that light outta my face, you mama’s boy, or I will punch you.”
That’s right he called me mama’s boy, and promised he’d destroy me.
If I didn’t get him a tiny cheeseburger.

A tiny cheeseburger.
I got some French fries and some ketchup for your tiny cheeseburger.
I’ve got some crinkled cut potato chips for your tiny cheeseburger.
Do you want some cut up pickles and some cheese for your tiny cheeseburger?

I said, “Get the hell out of my finger.”
He said, “You look like Debra Winger from 1986. Get a haircut.”
I said, “You get a haircut.”
Then he took his tiny knife out and he stabbed me. And he kept stabbing me and stabbing me.
And he said, “Where’s my tiny cheeseburger?
“I want some ketchup and some french-fries for my tiny cheeseburger.
I got some teriyaki sauce and some mozzarella for my tiny cheeseburger.
You better hurry up, and get that stuff for my tiny cheeseburger!”
Track Name: Evil Paper Bag
It’s an evil paper bag.
You put good things in.
Bad things come out.
It can make you really mad.
Put the newspaper in and then there’s bad news through the county.
Luckily it’s only a local paper and not the whole country.

Don’t put babies inside.
Don’t put money inside.
Don’t put yourself inside.
Cause it will make you bad.
Don’t put your mom inside.
Don’t put anything inside.
Cause it’s an evil paper bag.

It contains the vengeful spirit of a million obliterated trees.
The lumberjack killed it’s family.
It’s girlfriend too.
It had a home with a view.
But now, it’s an evil paper bag.

Don’t put your car inside.
Don’t put Germany inside.
Don’t put another bag inside.
Cause it will make it bad.
Don’t put your step-dad inside.
Don’t put anything inside.
Cause it’s an evil paper bag.
Track Name: Superficial Babies
Superduperficial babies are laughing it up.
Because all they care about is milk and moms.
A stupid baby is swimming in a cup.
What’s doing there? (I don’t know.)
He’s floating on down the big esophagus.
But the giant has got acid reflux.
Burp up the baby back in the cup.
And let him take a nap now.
Superficial baby.
Super tiny, tiny baby.
Tiny, tiny, little, tiny baby.
Back in the cup.
Track Name: The Recipe
When I saw you on your paper route,
you were like walking and collecting money from some trashy moms.
You said, “Yo Purple Pants, can you substitute.”
I said, “Only if I can take you to all of my proms.”
I wouldn’t trade her for a pound of rice.
Even if rice was our currency.
I can’t believe that she speaks to me.
Why is she good at calligraphy.
If I made a girl, she’d be the recipe.

Why is Rhode Island over there?
She has taught me a lot of things.
You should hear her when she sings.
She can resize all kinds of rings.
If I had my way, she’d be in my scenery.

She is the recipe.
Don’t mess with my recipe.
Why’s she gotta be the recipe?
Don’t mess with the recipe.
Track Name: The Day I Met You
Agony and destruction in my soul the day I met you.
Innocent lives are wasted in the putrid sea of love.
I was drowning in a pond of piss and tears.

Yeah I was choking on it, and I was puking on it.
And I was puking on it, and I was choking on it.
I was choking and puking and puking and choking.
And choking and puking and puking and choking,
On love.

When your self-esteem is mutilated beyond recognition,
Put your finger through your eyeball when you’re feeling down.
Because love is a friend of the frown.
Despair and deception.
Man, that’s too many syllables.
I feel like I was choking on it, and I was puking on it.
And I was puking on it, and I was choking on it.
I was choking and puking and puking and choking.
And choking and puking and puking and choking,
On love.
Track Name: Agnus
Girl, you impress me.
Girl, you totally get me.
You know all the button combinations of Street Fighter 3.
I think that it’s time for you to affect me asthmatically.
You take my breath away.
I think it’s about time that I say, “Agnus. Damn. You got me all emotional.”
Girl, I’m allergic to dogs and cats, but not allergic to you.
And baby, baby, baby.
I gotta go to night school.
But I’ll be back in your arms tonight with my G.E.D.
You know deep in your heart that stands for Gentle and Erotic Degree.

Girl, I didn’t get permission from your dad to make mad love to you.
But baby, baby, baby hold on.
Tonight is gonna be the night where we do things that we don’t normally do.
We’re gonna make babies.
A couple babies.
So many babies.
With this Playdoh.
Track Name: Gettin' Out at Two
I’m getting out at two today.
And you’re on my list of things to do tonight.
You’ve got me bustin out my pants.
Let’s get naked and dance.
I want to put my tiny hands all over your big body.
Baby, I want you to rip off my button down shirt.
Then bite my neck until I hurt.
I’ll buy you what you need tonight.
Because I think you’re totally worth it.

I’m stuck with being me.
Stuck with this body.
And its tiny features.
I want to be stuck with you like a bad hairdo and a good one too.
Making babies under the bleachers.

I’ll buy you what you need tonight.
Because I think you’re totally worth it.
Track Name: Dead and Alive
My voice of reason has laryngitis.
And I know you wouldn’t care even the slightest.
You point the gun at my feet, to keep me on my toes.
And watch me walk the streets to see defeat in my soul.
There’s lots of holes in my head.
There’s lots of room in my bed.
For someone like you to lay with me and we can play dead.
For a couple of hours.

I hold my breath for the day that we’re together.
Now my body’s decomposing.
I’m both dead and alive, but not very wanted.

My five o’clock shadow’s a quarter past six.
My heart is a broken door that just can’t be fixed.
If you were a convict girl, I’d get you cross the border.
If you were on the menu, you’d be the one I’d order.

I hold my breath for the day that we’re together.
Now my body’s decomposing.
I’m both dead and alive, but not very wanted.
Track Name: Funky Ice Dancer
Ice skating partner.
Her feet were so hot.
Melts the ice with her metal blades.
Funky ice dancer, cutting symbols in the ground.
Watching the ice turn to water, and make the people mad.

You got the town mad.
Funky Ice Dancer!
The people so mad!
Funky Ice Dancer!

Funky ice dancer would not fit in.
I tried to make the other people in the city like her too.
But she just messes it up.
There is no possible way.
And now I’m the one who doesn’t like her too.

You got the town mad.
Funky Ice Dancer!
The people so mad!
Funky Ice Dancer!
Track Name: Good Intentions
Your face gives me amnesia
When I look at you, I forget what I’m saying.
If I could save up some money,
I’d buy a telescope, so I could see what you’re saying.
If you were were trapped inside of a dungeon, I’d obliterate the dungeon master.
If you were in an earthquake baby, I would save you from disaster.
I would try to save you from disaster,
But you would probably end up saving me from disaster.

My heart is open like an unsolved murder case.
Your heart is closed, like a museum on Mondays.
You think you read me well, but my book is in German.
Give me one chance girl, I’ll give you the time you’ve been deservin’.
I bought you a castle, but you’re afraid of towers.
I bought you some roses, but you’re allergic to flowers.
I’ve got good intentions.
But bad executions.
Track Name: Who Keeps Using All My Shampoo?
I hired a psychic detective who's been following you around mentally.
She uses telepathic communications to keep me updated daily.
I suspected you were going in my shower, using my shampoo.
Taking things that were totally mine.
All you have to do is just get permission from me,
When you want to use my stuff next time.

Who keeps using all my shampoo?
Was it you?

It’s not your shampoo!
Track Name: The One For You
I’m feeling like a number.
That number is 1.5.
If I got the chance to be your number one.
Then I would give myself a hi-five.

I don’t want to be your number two.
And I don’t want to be your number three.
I just want to be the one for you.
And for you to be the one for me.

I think about you so much.
And I can’t get you out of my head.
I see you everywhere.
Like 30,000 places.
And every time I turn around, I see all your faces.

I don’t want to be your number two.
And I don’t want to be your number three.
I just want to be the one for you.
And for you to be the one for me.
Track Name: Moustache
I’m gonna rub my moustache on your shoulder.
I’m gonna rub it rub it.

You were standing close to the copy machine.
I was hanging out making a transparency.
Color copies were on sale
In the florescent lights you were looking pale.
I put my moustache on your shoulder and you turned your head
You looked down at me and you said,
“Why you gotta come in here like a punk Tom Selleck,
Making all the other people in this place jealous?
You’re creeping me out.”

I’m gonna rub my moustache on your shoulder.
I’m gonna rub it rub it.

You were standing close to the fire extinguisher.
When I was young, I was known as a lingerer.
Putting stuff on my face.
Using my upper lip to play electric bass.
You say I put the mental in sentimental.
Take your shoulder pads off, I promise to be gentle.
If there’s crumbs on your shirt, I will wipe them off.
I’m just being me, I don’t need to act tough.

I’m gonna rub my moustache on your shoulder.
I’m gonna rub it rub it.
Track Name: Forsaken
You’ve forsaken me for the last time.

Your emotions get emotional when you’re constantly forsaken.
You froze my heart like a tundra.
A Hollow Man like Kevin Bacon.
You’re like a dead beat dad, for all the promises your breaking.
You’re like the US government, for all the misery you’re making.

You’ve forsaken me for the last time.

I used to feel like Commando.
But I’m Basic Instinct 2.
You put a werewolf in my birthday cake,
And you screamed surprise.
You like to put me in my place.
You know that I don’t even live here.
You broke our last dinner date.
And my heart, and my legs.

So you’ve forsaken me for the last time.